Sacrifice

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I worked 50 hours and went to classes this week. I wrote one blog post and on Tuesday and Thursday I only had two cat naps equaling in total four hours. I worked too hard and the fact is I had no play time this week until today. It is hard to only have one day off because most weeks I have two and spend the first day night primarily for sleeping. This week I have to jam sleep with free time.

I thought I was doing that today. I was somewhat wrong. I had plans for after 4pm and I showed up at home just after 7:30am and promptly went to sleep to get ready for those plans. Juggling relationships among school and work and sleep is never quite that simple. My plans, you see, were cancelled by the other party and I was left with a hole in my day. I do not mind being alone by any means.

Walking the world when you are too busy to smell the roses or spend time talking to anyone feels less like being alone and more like being lonely. I wonder if I am being crazy thinking I can shove everything into the 168 hours that we are given in a week. I feel caged in this apartment when I am awake enough to spend the time here. My days seem cut into segments of requirements. I must be here at this time and I must have this read by this time and I must have this much sleep to do it.

I also have to find corners of time to clean the corners of my home; which as much as I push my energy level to the max I can never get the place the way it should be. I wish others around me understood my time is the most valuable thing I can give. I do not like when plans I have placed on high priority get cancelled at the last minute. Those hours might mean nothing to you; but, they are the only hours that matter to me. I made the sacrifice sleep or study time to show I care about you. Please show you care about me.

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