I’m Not Cinderellie

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Need another reason for me being single? I am not Cinderella.

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You need three Cinderellas to clean up this Mess!

All the men I have dated long-term have seem in some way that cleaning is a woman’s job. Even if that woman is working more hours, making more money, and making less mess.

When I was 19 my boyfriend at the time had me shadow his mother who worked as a maid. Scrubbing floors, counters, dishes, and toilets. Folding bed covers and clothes. This went on for a whole week. All I learned was I hate cleaning; but, I can do it very well.

Well, these days I refuse to clean up after a grown adult. We live in an age where you do not need to scrub a dish; you can just throw it in a dishwasher with a dish cleaner pack. Ta-Da! Clean dishes! Spilled something on the counter? A quick wipe with a sponge makes it clean in seconds and saves scrubbing later.

My exes did not seem to understand this and would whine about how I should do this. *Sigh* Maybe I should date a guy who is rich enough to hire a maid. She can put my clothes away since I never seem to get them out of the hamper. We have our flaws; but, I don’t demand others to take care of them unless they are paid.

Who wants to be my Cinderella maid?

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Why Are You Single?

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Well, yes, I know why I am “still” single. Here are my many reasons:

I’m Fiercely Independent

I am alone, not lonely. I go on vacation by myself, I go to the club by myself, and I go to events by myself. I really enjoy myself.

I’m Bored…

I do almost everything by myself and the addition of anyone in my group of one has to be interesting and funny. Sorry, telling me the entire plot of Star Wars on our date is not going to cut it. I’m a nerd; I’ve seen it, I’ve played, I’ve read some of it. I get it.

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My Old Fashioned Taste?

Apparently, Britney Spears is out. The DJ played her song and the packed dance floor migrated to the bar and…I kept dancing. I don’t follow trends and my tastes do evolve; but, it is more of an add on process. I like this new thing and I like these old trends, too. Good thing I hated the puffy vest trend of 2000. Yes, that should have Kept Closed.

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At Least She Won’t Drown!

I Don’t “Socialize Correctly”

I don’t drink or do drugs. I go to the bar/club to dance and at times play video games (yes, they have gamer nights). I don’t socialize all that much. It seems to me when you approach someone one in a sober way at the library or in a store they look at you like you are a creep. Then you go on a date and they whip out their phone and show you Japanese viral videos while you munch a sandwich. *sigh* Thanks alcohol and cell phones you have ruined ability for the world to socialize like a normal socially!

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Friend Zoned

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“The Friend Zone” doesn’t really exist. Sorry, dudes! I believe “The Friend Zone” can be defined as two different behaviors: using a person and rejection.

If a girl uses the words “The Friend Zone” you are being played my friend. I knew a man who said “I have a massive crush on her; but, I am in The Friend Zone.” I asked how he figured he was in The Friend Zone versus being just a friend. He explained about her texting and calling only when she needed help with her school work (as in have him do it for her) or when her boyfriend left her and she needed a good vent and cry with her “best friend”. This is not The Friend Zone this is a woman using a man and should not be confused for a friendship. Say this with me: “I’ve been used!” Now block her number and don’t reply to that sad email; it is time to move on!

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On the other hand,a woman just may want you as a platonic friend; that is not a crime. I went on a few dates with someone I was friends with and when I realized we were not compatible I calmly told him the reasons this just wasn’t going to work beyond friends. Yet, he tried this whole “Why are you Friend Zoning me? I want to be more than your friend!” I understood this feeling; yet, I knew I just wasn’t going to be happy. Yes, a person can be kind, cute, and compassionate; but, if the other person is not feeling the connection they have a right to end it (especially early). There is more to a wonderful relationship than some qualities on paper. In the end the person in question left my “Friend Zone” after days of annoying me about wanting a “do over” I told him I didn’t want to hear from him anymore and any other form of communication would be handled as harassment.  Listen we have all had to handle rejection at one time or another whether we are men or women. In this case “The Friend Zone” is what I believe is just a way to hold on to the false hope that the pretty girl pal will one day “wake up” and be madly in love with you. Save your face by dropping the dream and walking away

Please men it is time to put down the security blanket of “The Friend Zone”. Call it what it is: The behavior of a woman using you or the simple fact you can not take full on rejection. Thank you for being a friend!

 

Domestic Violence?

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I have a problem with the domestic violence campaigns I have seen over the years. There has been made for TV movies such as The Burning Bed or No One Would Tell (staring Candace Cameron and Fred Savage). There was The Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna. Of course there were pictures of Rihanna’s face after Chris Brown beat it to the point she needed stitches.

The most resent viral campaign is the Through The Glass video showing a woman walking through a regular day while using Google Glass until she shows up home to get a beat down from her boyfriend.
http://www.upworthy.com/a-woman-shares-her-day-through-google-glass-it-seems-lovely-and-ordinary-until-the-end?c=ufb2

These all give us a visual we can hold on to; but, I believe it may be giving off the wrong message. I know if I everyday I came home to getting backhanded and dragged around by my hair and there were bruises all over my body it would be over the first time. This might be how a few women live their daily lives; but, the majority of abused women do not have such clear cut lines. For those women these examples may be a way to excuse the bad behavior happening their own life.

Here is the typical life of borderline domestic violence:
The woman is able to go to work and even school; but, she feels her off time is on lock down at home. Whenever something wonderful happens to her she has to deal with her partner’s adult tantrum and she has to walk on eggshells because the smallest slight can cause an emotional violent episode. Alcohol usually plays a part. “He is wonderful when he does not drink.” He may become physically violent only on occasion and it never goes further than a shove or hit followed by apologies and excuses like “I was drunk and not in control of myself.” The woman dreads coming home to “adventures” such as frantically looking for lost stuff, cleaning up a trashed home, finding her drunk partner sleeping in strange places, checking vitals, putting out fires of forgotten food in the oven, and of course emotional abuse. She stays because there is the voice that says it will get better or it is not abuse because she is not covered in hand marks.

It is abuse and it is going under the radar in our culture. We need to change the view of domestic violence in our campaigns. I didn’t think it was domestic violence until I got out. I still have those days when I remember a sweet memory; but, I know the above is reason enough to keep away. Now I come home head straight to bed and it is a joy to slip in those cool sheets and know I am in charge of my life.