I’m Not Cinderellie

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Need another reason for me being single? I am not Cinderella.

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You need three Cinderellas to clean up this Mess!

All the men I have dated long-term have seem in some way that cleaning is a woman’s job. Even if that woman is working more hours, making more money, and making less mess.

When I was 19 my boyfriend at the time had me shadow his mother who worked as a maid. Scrubbing floors, counters, dishes, and toilets. Folding bed covers and clothes. This went on for a whole week. All I learned was I hate cleaning; but, I can do it very well.

Well, these days I refuse to clean up after a grown adult. We live in an age where you do not need to scrub a dish; you can just throw it in a dishwasher with a dish cleaner pack. Ta-Da! Clean dishes! Spilled something on the counter? A quick wipe with a sponge makes it clean in seconds and saves scrubbing later.

My exes did not seem to understand this and would whine about how I should do this. *Sigh* Maybe I should date a guy who is rich enough to hire a maid. She can put my clothes away since I never seem to get them out of the hamper. We have our flaws; but, I don’t demand others to take care of them unless they are paid.

Who wants to be my Cinderella maid?

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Why Are You Single?

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Well, yes, I know why I am “still” single. Here are my many reasons:

I’m Fiercely Independent

I am alone, not lonely. I go on vacation by myself, I go to the club by myself, and I go to events by myself. I really enjoy myself.

I’m Bored…

I do almost everything by myself and the addition of anyone in my group of one has to be interesting and funny. Sorry, telling me the entire plot of Star Wars on our date is not going to cut it. I’m a nerd; I’ve seen it, I’ve played, I’ve read some of it. I get it.

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My Old Fashioned Taste?

Apparently, Britney Spears is out. The DJ played her song and the packed dance floor migrated to the bar and…I kept dancing. I don’t follow trends and my tastes do evolve; but, it is more of an add on process. I like this new thing and I like these old trends, too. Good thing I hated the puffy vest trend of 2000. Yes, that should have Kept Closed.

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At Least She Won’t Drown!

I Don’t “Socialize Correctly”

I don’t drink or do drugs. I go to the bar/club to dance and at times play video games (yes, they have gamer nights). I don’t socialize all that much. It seems to me when you approach someone one in a sober way at the library or in a store they look at you like you are a creep. Then you go on a date and they whip out their phone and show you Japanese viral videos while you munch a sandwich. *sigh* Thanks alcohol and cell phones you have ruined ability for the world to socialize like a normal socially!

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Friend Zoned

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“The Friend Zone” doesn’t really exist. Sorry, dudes! I believe “The Friend Zone” can be defined as two different behaviors: using a person and rejection.

If a girl uses the words “The Friend Zone” you are being played my friend. I knew a man who said “I have a massive crush on her; but, I am in The Friend Zone.” I asked how he figured he was in The Friend Zone versus being just a friend. He explained about her texting and calling only when she needed help with her school work (as in have him do it for her) or when her boyfriend left her and she needed a good vent and cry with her “best friend”. This is not The Friend Zone this is a woman using a man and should not be confused for a friendship. Say this with me: “I’ve been used!” Now block her number and don’t reply to that sad email; it is time to move on!

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On the other hand,a woman just may want you as a platonic friend; that is not a crime. I went on a few dates with someone I was friends with and when I realized we were not compatible I calmly told him the reasons this just wasn’t going to work beyond friends. Yet, he tried this whole “Why are you Friend Zoning me? I want to be more than your friend!” I understood this feeling; yet, I knew I just wasn’t going to be happy. Yes, a person can be kind, cute, and compassionate; but, if the other person is not feeling the connection they have a right to end it (especially early). There is more to a wonderful relationship than some qualities on paper. In the end the person in question left my “Friend Zone” after days of annoying me about wanting a “do over” I told him I didn’t want to hear from him anymore and any other form of communication would be handled as harassment.  Listen we have all had to handle rejection at one time or another whether we are men or women. In this case “The Friend Zone” is what I believe is just a way to hold on to the false hope that the pretty girl pal will one day “wake up” and be madly in love with you. Save your face by dropping the dream and walking away

Please men it is time to put down the security blanket of “The Friend Zone”. Call it what it is: The behavior of a woman using you or the simple fact you can not take full on rejection. Thank you for being a friend!

 

A Love Story

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I don’t know if this post will be read by anyone important in my life. I do know that if it is I will be making some people sad, some angry, and maybe some worried. I can assure those worried there is nothing to worry about. The other two sets I can honestly say I care; but, I think these words need to put out into the universe. Sorry; but, not sorry kind of Jennifer Lawrence style…

There are many kinds of love out there in this world: the love of friendship, of family, of a child, of a parent, of fellow man just to name a few. I have had many of these kinds rained on me and I give these freely when the other party is worthy. 

With that said I have only been in romantic love ONCE. I have only loved one man in my life. That is it.

I thought I was in love once before and struggled through a four year relationship because of a belief. It wasn’t love it was an idea of what it may be like. I ran said relationship like a business. I knew when to say what and do what to keep him coming back. I did the bare minimum to keep it running.  I held on to a conviction that this was love and yet a month after the relationship I was right back where I started emotionally.

He always told me he thought that was what I was doing and if he is reading this: Yes, that is what I was doing and I am sorry. I thought that is how one loves, with their mind and well planned actions.

During the year that followed I use my strategy on a few guys and they used theirs on me. That was fine; we were honest with each other. I was to move to New Hampshire sometime in 2012 after completing my AA by applying to college up there. I wasn’t looking for someone long term, I wasn’t looking to fill any void because there was none to fill.

Then I did fall in love. Suddenly the plans I had shifted. I didn’t bat an eye when I applied to USF instead. I did not mind giving more than I got and I did not plan a strategy. It was powerful and I never wondered if there was somewhere else I needed to be. I just was and he just was.

Then something happened. I won’t go into detail (and please those close enough to know do not post it in the comments). I will say he changed in a way that was like the person I fell for died. I can pinpoint the day: June 17, 2012. I sat and cried. He could not hear me.

I thought the old him would come back. I am no Jesus and he is no Lazarus. I read the short story “A Rose for Emily” when I was in high school for several classes. My fellow classmates use to tease me when we read it because my name is Emily Rose. The story is about a woman, Emily, who kills her husband and sleeps with his corpse until she herself dies and the town folk come to find her secret.

I like many people I thought that was gross; but, in a way isn’t that what I was doing. The comfort of having the new him there was better in my mind than without. I am not saying I was completely without my faults. Like many in my family I battle mental illness. I have for years and at times I am sure I am a hard person to live with. If you are reading, I am not angry towards you in any fashion. I just know our season is over even if my love isn’t quite yet.

I have learned something about love. I have learned there is many types and the most important is self love. I have surprised myself with the fact that I have developed this type of love and have became stronger because of it. I am no longer angry at myself and I find myself being more open. It is because of this self love I can not compromise myself or others around me.

People have come to push me to get over my romantic love by getting under other people. I have to say no to this notion. That would compromise my self love.

Then there are those who love me in a romantic fashion. I feel their pain because their love is going to be in vain. If I could I would chose to love you when you hand me support and unconditional love; but, one other lesson in love I have learned is you can not just turn it on or off. There is nothing my mind and will power can do when my feelings do not want to show up. If you are reading, I do not want to waste your or my time because all I could ever do is give you the experience of the four year relationship above and that is not something we deserve. I am going to New Hampshire alone.

I believe I will find romantic love again. I know what the signs are and when I do I will not waste a second. Until then I have my memories and myself.